A Haven for Vee

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

My Father Says...

In light of all that is going on in the United States these days, the controversy that swirls around the building of a mosque near Ground Zero in NYC, the enormous financial challenges that many of us are facing because of various decisions made in the political arena concerning mortgages, credit cards, and loss of income, I thought that I would discuss tolerance today. In addition, there are a number of personal family matters in my private life that require a decision about being tolerant (or not), and on and on it goes. Anyway,  I'm going to share a family story concerning tolerance without actually connecting the dots. I'll leave that for you to do in your own way and following the dictates of your own heart.

Now, if I've told this story before, please forgive me. I'm getting old and forgetful.

When my son was eight years old, he and my daughter were attending a private Christian school where I also taught. Unbeknownst to me, he was struggling every recess with an overzealous classmate. This classmate was a big bear of a boy who would literally pick my son up, twirl him around, and, as if that weren't enough humiliation, he'd plant a big kiss on my son's lips. Of course, then all the other children would laugh. No playground teacher ever addressed it.

At long last, I did find out what was going on and had a talk with the young man's parents, both of whom were also teachers at the school. Anyway, they both assured me that their son didn't mean anything by it. He was just a big, lovable lug. I told them that since it was bothering my son that their lovable lug needed to cut it out.

Still no action. None. Every day the same story. I tried to be longsuffering and I tried also to encourage longsuffering in my son. Wrong choice. Totally.

One evening, my son was sitting with his head down at the supper table and his dad asked him what the trouble was. The story spilled out and his father listened carefully.

"This is what I want you to do tomorrow" my husband said. "When you see him coming, tell him that you have your father's permission to punch his lights out."

I'm pretty certain that my head spun, but I didn't say too much as I recognized the wisdom of the plan. It proved to be the end of the story. It happened just once. All my son had to do was invoke the name of his father. He didn't even have to punch out the lovable lug's lights. The mere knowledge that my son wasn't going to tolerate being twirled and kissed any longer and that he had his father's permission not to tolerate it were all that was needed. Oh happy day!

Sometimes I think more of us have to get to this place. I think we might be surprised by what our heavenly Father doesn't want us tolerating in the first place. You might try asking Him. I know that I do and often.

23 comments:

  1. "I'm going to share a family story concerning tolerance without actually connecting the dots."


    You never connect the dots, Dear. It your charm of vagueness. -chuckle-

    And hooray for your son's father's advice!!!

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  2. When countries have borders and fight wars, but still talk about tolerance, what to say about us:). Your approach worked. Tolerance doesn't mean being passive at everything, once in awhile we have the right to remind people when they cross unto our borders.

    I like the header picture.

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  3. Thanks for sharing, Vee, I had not heard this before. It is a wonderful life lesson and such wise fatherly advice.

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  4. what a wonderfully wise father. it kills
    me to hear stories like this.

    i used to give my kids permission to
    sock the bully, even if the bully wasn't
    after them. bullies are just great, big
    spoiled babies, who are never told,
    "no!"

    thanks for sharing.

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  5. Wouldn't the world be a better place if we ALL practiced tolerance.

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  6. My husband's father gave him the same advice about the bully on the block. My MIL was appalled because the boy's mom was a good friend of hers.

    As it turned out, hubby did have to punch the other boy an he did stop bothering him. They actually became friends as they grew up.

    When my husband told my son that story when he dealt with a bully, I reminded Christopher the story sometimes ends with you getting your lights punched out as well so be careful. :-)

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  7. I like hearing life lesson from the older generation. They usually know what they said since they already lived through it..

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  8. There is a time for everything. Sometimes you have to fight back!

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  9. I love this and how it also fits into what our Heavenly Father wants for us.

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  10. We told our son the same thing, and that he was never to start a fight, but if some did take a swing at him, he was to make his punch count: make his fist connect with a throat to avoid injuring his own hand, and to make sure the bully would go down and STOP!

    A gang of boys at middle school surrounded him and started to throw punches at our son. He followed our advice, and the school administration backed our son. I felt bad that the other boy was briefly hospitalize,but he never bothered our son again.

    Subtle lesson: If attacked, make sure you fight back effectively and in a way that does the least damage to yourself.

    I like "neutral" Switzerland, where every male citizen drills regularly on how to defend their country if attacked. They will never attack, but they will always be ready to defend themselves.

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  11. "Speak softly and carry a big stick."

    Oh, that we could get back to this as a Country. I wish we would quit making our stick out of toothpicks.

    If you followed my thinking here you are doing well.

    Thankfully, spiritually speaking we have the name of Jesus to invoke, which is all we need.

    Oh, it is hard to live in such bondage to things that we just can't agree with and yet we have to somehow "be tolerant of" to the point that our rights are effected.

    Becky K.

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  12. I agree. Sometimes we can't just sit back and "take it".
    When something is WRONG, it needs to be stopped.
    Especially bulling which is so destructive.
    My oldest son was bullied (he's 17 now) and I really regret not taking a firmer stand with the school and the bullies parents.
    I would not make that same mistake again with my younger children.
    I'm not the kind of person that likes to make waves and I absolutely HATE confrontation but.. you gots to do what you gots to do. :)

    ((Hugs))
    Laura

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  13. After just watching a program on tv about a young boy who was bullied and set on fire, I applaud your husband's advice. I despise bullies and a lot of them never outgrow it. No wonder with parents who think it's lovable. Ugh!!!!

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  14. Wonderful post, Vee, and I personally believe that a lot of us in this country are tolerating many things that our heavenly Father doesn't want us tolerating. And all of this being "politically correct" nonsense is going to be our downfall, JMHO.

    Kudos to your husband for his excellent advice!

    Have a good day,
    Cheryl

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  15. Ones has to draw a line and not let someone else bully you! Tolerance doesn't mean that you should let another person abuse you!

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  16. Amen, tolerance doesn't mean being a pushover. I'm sick of hearing about tolerance of people that have no respect for us, our country, our states, our towns, our families, our property, our religion, our customs, our way of life. If they want to come here, there's a right way and a wrong way. Learn our language, work hard, pay your taxes, go through the citizenship process, learn our customs and respect our faiths. I have absolutely NO TOLERANCE Whatsoever for people who are trying to undermine and destroy and force themselves upon us through outside and inside forces. I don't think the Lord expects us to do that either.

    I'll get off my soapbox now...

    Good for your son's dad - I heard my dad tell us 3 kids the exact same thing. And my husband told our kids, too.

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  17. That's a great story! Makes perfect sense to me.

    I saw one of your comments over at Lea's blog and thought I'd say hi.

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  18. This is an amazing story and has helped me make a choice I needed too...hugs...m..

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  19. I agree. There is too much being nice and PC all the time and not saying what we feel, or what we are afraid of, or whatever for fear of being called intolerant, etc. I am conflicted over many matters in the world today but more and more I am saying what I feel to be my truth and forgetting whether people think that is right or wrong.
    I think it is insensitive to build the mosque in NYC. And I say that with many muslim friends I love dearly.

    xo Terri

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  20. Ohmygoodness Vee, this is a WONDERFUL story and lesson ~ you truly are a teacher at heart :) hugs and love, Dawn

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  21. How tough to be the parent of someone being bullied...and to feel so helpless. It seems the father knows best.

    I like your new header...so peaceful.

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  22. Something similiar happened to our youngest son in middle school except no kiss. We had bloody noses, ripped shirts, and bruises. After two months, and nothing being done by the school, my husband gave our son permission to hit the child back. I was appalled. The next thing we knew we were in the office and our son was suspended for three days along with the other boy. It worked and the boy never hit our son again. He went on to pick on other boys. In high school he was still a trouble maker

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