tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post6106053403171664453..comments2024-03-22T18:15:57.909-04:00Comments on A Haven for Vee: Comfort One AnotherVeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00618654361869856894noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-81960226963566448892015-03-06T23:22:13.898-05:002015-03-06T23:22:13.898-05:00I'm very sorry for your loss, I hope your happ...I'm very sorry for your loss, I hope your happy memories heal you and your loved ones hearts over time. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Ocean Breezes and Country Sneezeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13553409790617039932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-29620840246802651582015-03-06T19:19:45.872-05:002015-03-06T19:19:45.872-05:00I am sorry for the losses in your life recently. I...I am sorry for the losses in your life recently. I know what you mean about feeling awkward in expressing sympathy. I too pray and want to give comforting words to those who so desperately need to hear them. My dad was great at just sitting with friends when they were grieving. I don't know that he said anything, but he was a shoulder to cry on. Some people have a gift that way. The rest of us pray and seek God's guidance and struggle. Blessings on you, friend.Cranberry Morninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10758563068581561194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-43489542340191163282015-03-06T18:07:22.896-05:002015-03-06T18:07:22.896-05:00I'm sorry for your losses Vee. I understand wh...I'm sorry for your losses Vee. I understand what you talked about. I'm sure your care and love was received well. <br />Downton Abby. Loved it!Kathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06617977766426840836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-72849795349680457452015-03-06T17:14:41.666-05:002015-03-06T17:14:41.666-05:00Hi Vee - So sad to hear you and yours have lost lo...Hi Vee - So sad to hear you and yours have lost loved ones this cold dreary blustery winter. Somehow I have some built in mechanism that shows heartfelt sympathy to people that have lost others. It's been a great help to others and has given me a warm fuzzy feeling after such events. Not everyone has it. We're all different. What you do by watching the children is just as important as putting your arm around someone and saying the right things. We all need to do what we do best as good as we possibly can. And I know you did. <br /><br />I loved this season of Downton Abby! What a great show. I love the Downtonisms that come out of the show and I think that Lady Violet is my fav. Stay warm and keep thinking spring. Thanks for popping by to say hi! Blessings, Edie MarieCreations by Marie Antoinette and Edie Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03388016394625058362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-28140000882880143762015-03-06T12:45:17.092-05:002015-03-06T12:45:17.092-05:00Sorry to hear of these losses. I also am one who ...Sorry to hear of these losses. I also am one who would rather just not say much, for fear of saying the wrong thing. And my hubby is such a caring, hugging person who nearly always says the right thing in a situation like this. So we balance one another out. I am much more comfortable doing hands-on things like helping to prepare a lunch at church for a grieving family after a funeral, or putting together a photo display. I tend to be able to express love and sympathy much better in ways like that. When my brother died and his home was full of visiting family and friends, I made a variety of muffins and took them over along with a bag of coffee. Things like that are appreciated and can show your heart. Your looking after the grands was one of the most helpful things you could do.Mrs.Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00392321745556290343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-86294879796686034962015-03-06T11:31:37.254-05:002015-03-06T11:31:37.254-05:00I feel the same way and have seen my share of fune...I feel the same way and have seen my share of funerals and memorial services to last a lifetime. We just completed our Living Trust and the lawyer was surprised to see I've stipulated, after cremation, NO memorial service and NO obituary notice. He said, "don't you think people will want to mourn?" I said, "I don't give a flying fig since I'll be dead!" Warm hugs, dear friend, XOXOSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14263263554924074661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-64870786026067144952015-03-06T08:19:33.699-05:002015-03-06T08:19:33.699-05:00" There is no right nor wrong comment to mak..." There is no right nor wrong comment to make because what one finds helpful to hear, another is horrified by. " I think you hit the nail on the head with this statement, Vee. This is so true and one of the reasons I think it is so difficult and uncomfortable to know what to say. I think I tend to keep what I say to a minimum as I'd rather say little than say the wrong thing. <br />I am sorry for your losses, Vee.Happy@Homehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15748146424809856063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-10651425161117379742015-03-06T08:01:42.304-05:002015-03-06T08:01:42.304-05:00I am very sorry for your loss. I have learned ove...I am very sorry for your loss. I have learned over the years that sometimes just being there is comfort enough, that words don't always have to be spoken. Judy https://www.blogger.com/profile/07886053115520735923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-71917336125597294892015-03-05T22:39:44.499-05:002015-03-05T22:39:44.499-05:00First of all, I am truly sorry for your loss...
I...First of all, I am truly sorry for your loss...<br /><br />I can totally relate with you, dear Vee. I have such a hard time and I never ever know what to say! Even visiting sick family and friends I am often at a loss for words. I am thankful for my husband because he always seems to have the right words - while he is ministering with words I am the one ministering with hugs and prayers.<br /><br />Hugs to you!Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02389136708128457239noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-41067958158397914932015-03-04T21:25:17.015-05:002015-03-04T21:25:17.015-05:00So so sorry for your loss. I can relate to a lot ...So so sorry for your loss. I can relate to a lot of this. I seem to be better staying home and interceding. Then there are times I went against my comfort zone and realize just being there was a comfort to those who needed it. Yes, following the Holy Spirits lead...He is the comforter.<br />BlessingsJanettessage.blogspot.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01262598732466380229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-90941455796953703992015-03-04T16:00:35.447-05:002015-03-04T16:00:35.447-05:00It was a great wrap-up to this season of DA. Of c...It was a great wrap-up to this season of DA. Of course...I still have a lot of questions as to where they will go next season. I have heard rumours that Maggie Smith may be leaving after next season...and certainly hope it's not true. She is the best! I spent a whole night wondering where I knew Lady Mary's new potential beau from (Matthew Goode) and it finally dawned on me...he is Finn Polmar on the Good Wife. Judy https://www.blogger.com/profile/00929685771427155673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-43302012435680625852015-03-04T08:08:30.259-05:002015-03-04T08:08:30.259-05:00I, too, have trouble getting smacked in the face w...I, too, have trouble getting smacked in the face with death ... it's just such an abrupt experience. There's no bargaining with circumstances or making things better. it's there ... in your face ... deal with it. And I don't deal with it well. I get angry and then reflective. As for comforting words, I am a person that has to verbalize to process experience, so words of comfort generate conversation and memories and ultimately, healing. I'd rather have the conversation than a sympathy card sitting on the table. <br /><br />So sorry, Vee that you're having to deal with double loss ... I hope your family gathers close and talks it through. Virtual hug ...Susan Lindquisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04039551683129884367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-17987775652756464312015-03-03T20:20:47.058-05:002015-03-03T20:20:47.058-05:00I am very sorry that you've lost loved ones my...I am very sorry that you've lost loved ones my friend. I agree with you and have the same problem. I have suffered loss and I don't know if words ever really help. I don't remember what anyone said at the time......so I am so afraid of saying the wrong thing. I want to say I understand but some people won't accept that. Everyone has their own path to take and no one travels the same one. I can't wait for your Downton post. I read Susan's this morning...oh joy! Sweet hugs, Diane~Lavender Dreamer~https://www.blogger.com/profile/06298191144517740164noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-9293227033593817462015-03-03T17:42:12.491-05:002015-03-03T17:42:12.491-05:00I'm sorry for your losses and that you were ab...I'm sorry for your losses and that you were able to be with the grands, Vee. I hope I'm good at comforting those who have lost loved ones. Personally, I dont like the idea of saying to someone that they can call you if needed. People don't generally do that. I think you have to call them and bring them food, without them having to ask. <br />As for Downton Abbey, I thought it was the best episode ever. I cried with all the happy endings! kitty@ Kitty's Kozy Kitchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02803962513834013589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-6670151954876304252015-03-03T17:12:28.047-05:002015-03-03T17:12:28.047-05:00The last episode of Downton was good, too bad we h...The last episode of Downton was good, too bad we have to wait a year to continue.<br />I'm not good at funerals either and start to sniffle as soon as I enter the chapel. I always thought it would get easier to accept death as we aged but it doesn't, for me anyway. I don't mind the cards, they bring comfort when alone and I've kept the ones from when my parents passed away. I know, why am I keeping them? Judith @ Lavender Cottagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16361061491506137380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-19031106402027143012015-03-03T17:04:22.735-05:002015-03-03T17:04:22.735-05:00I don't think anyone thinks they know the righ...I don't think anyone thinks they know the right thing to say, and sometimes words aren't needed at all, it's more being there as a friend and listening. podsohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14880888514207597761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-72637496330128437022015-03-03T14:42:09.839-05:002015-03-03T14:42:09.839-05:00I honestly believe that how you expressed yourself...I honestly believe that how you expressed yourself is so endearing and helps me to understand. My mother, now almost 84, cannot face death of anyone much less her own. She refuses to discuss it, didn't attend her own mother's funeral and had to be carried out of her brother's funeral. We each are so different and unique and I don't think it makes one wrong and the other right. Know what I mean?JMDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03639819967286148205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-1064286183197374502015-03-03T13:05:00.346-05:002015-03-03T13:05:00.346-05:00I'm not good at comforting so I just hug and c...I'm not good at comforting so I just hug and cry along with them. When I feel grief, or even sad, I seek out humor. So many find that disconcerting (probably to say the least). That's my self-defense mechanism. Quite frankly, I'm not usually offended by what others do or don't do, or say or don't say and I've dealt with an extraordinary amount of loss starting with my mother when I was 10. Maybe I should be. I like cards, or a phone call, or just a howdy. Whatever someone is led to do or say. I try to leave everything else up to God. <br /><br />Downton Abbey was fabulous! Love the ending. I do hope the writer will now leave the Bateses alone. I would like to see Anna get PG and enjoy a happy life, if that's possible on a soap opera. *giggle* All I know is I'm anxious for the next Season. It's gonna be a looooong summer. ~:)Sparkyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09531515666554867421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-64128322496774144012015-03-03T13:04:00.837-05:002015-03-03T13:04:00.837-05:00I am so sorry for the recent losses of people who ...I am so sorry for the recent losses of people who are dear to you and your family. This is a timely topic, and it is brave of you to bring it up. I recently had someone say, "gee I wish there was a book that provides guidance of what to say or do." And I replied that there are many such books available and they can be obtained within a few electronic clicks, thanks to digital downloads. As we age, we are all need to be more well versed on how to lend constructive support. <br /><br />I happen to be very grateful for sympathy cards, and I was astounded to get as many as I did. It provides a measure of reassurance and comfort. Regarding the questions of what to say and to do, I think it is best to provide real and meaningful support. The words I dread the most out of anybody's mouth is "let me know if there is anything that you need." It is uttered by someone who is totally disengaged in your life and has no intention of keeping tabs with you on a regular basis. It is uttered by someone who doesn't mean it and is simply blowing you off so that they feel better. It is much better to inquire about what tasks need to be completed during the next week or two, and then specifically assigning that task to take on (and done promptly). Words of comfort are best to be kept simple. "He's in a better place now" and "we all have to die sometime" are not helpful. Just avoid that kind of commentary completely. And lend an ear to the people who are grieving. I remain dismayed that people do not want to talk with me. Personal calls initiated by someone else are very, very rare. Avoidance is the norm. So I am abandoned by my husband and now my friends/family. No verbal communication is an indication that I am not worthy of the time and trouble for an old fashioned conversation. So all of my emotions remain bottled up inside, stewing, and adding to my level of despair. I relive nightmares and flashbacks of such awful times during the past year and a half, and they have to be bottled up. Who wants to hear them? Nobody. So here is my advice about those who are left behind and grieving - lend them some old-fashioned time to listen and include them in your life. Very little needs to be said. Listening means everything. Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05347598432040432610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-5471182682148394372015-03-03T12:23:43.805-05:002015-03-03T12:23:43.805-05:00Ahhhh, I see that we share the same affliction. It...Ahhhh, I see that we share the same affliction. It is a profoundly embarrassing one. Thank you for putting it into words. Veehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00618654361869856894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-11373718256141262152015-03-03T11:03:31.386-05:002015-03-03T11:03:31.386-05:00When I have a funeral to go to, I usually stay qui...When I have a funeral to go to, I usually stay quiet. A simple hug is really all the comfort you can give. They don't really remember anyways. They are so surrounded by the shock of the loss, they are in a fog. I know. I have been there. Some people feel the need to send a sympathy card because it helps them do something.<br />Downtown Abby was fabulous. But I don't want (I am a newer watcher so the name could be wrong) Tom, Sybil's husband, to leave. Maybe I am weird, but I think Mary has a thing for him.Ceekay-THINKIN of HOMEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15111241316745923019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-44518634453581476182015-03-03T10:40:46.463-05:002015-03-03T10:40:46.463-05:00I have no words of comfort. But, I do appreciate t...I have no words of comfort. But, I do appreciate the fact that you are brave enough to share your true thoughts, as a reader I find that very comforting to know. Hugs, KathyShawklhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14303018876968056901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-87414766249803189612015-03-03T10:37:47.069-05:002015-03-03T10:37:47.069-05:00Oh, Vee, I hear what you and many of your follower...Oh, Vee, I hear what you and many of your followers are saying. I can't do funerals. I want the family and friends to know how much I care and that I am praying for everyone, but I just can't attend them. I have problems watching TV commercials and newscasts without ending up crying. I don't mean to compare those to a funeral, but only to try to explain the extreme over-sensitivity I seem to have to seemingly everything. I feel ridiculous as I gulp for breath in a setting where grief is appropriate, but my sobbing is just embarrassing for everyone. I could be thousands of miles from home and happen upon a funeral of a complete stranger and my reaction would be the same. I just feel that my time by myself is better for everyone concerned. I have never heard others talk about this, so I want you to know how much I have appreciated reading what others say. <br />Can't wait for your Downton post, also!! I have to say that I think Sunday's episode what my favorite of all of them. Chris K in Wisconsinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02564393244630656463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-45418966067978163252015-03-03T10:00:01.046-05:002015-03-03T10:00:01.046-05:00I appreciate your honesty on the uncomfortable par...I appreciate your honesty on the uncomfortable part of showing sympathy with others and with receiving it as well. It is so true that all words should be shared carefully and with prayer. I have sure appreciated the times that friends and family came to be with us at our parents memorial services. Even if they didn't say anything but just signed the book so we'd know they came, it was very touching for me. <br />Oh ... I would love to hear you chat about Downton Abbey. I'll watch for that.Lovella ♥https://www.blogger.com/profile/13870567090244361779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-90361903821674515192015-03-03T08:38:36.700-05:002015-03-03T08:38:36.700-05:00I can empathize. I'm not good with funerals, ...I can empathize. I'm not good with funerals, either. I didn't attend funerals of several of my grandparents. I was close to them during their lives. I did attend my favorite grandmother's funeral and was given the task of choosing her casket. Maybe that's why I was a no show at the following funerals. Our good friend and former minister always reminded me that my own funeral was not my worry because it's for those who need to grieve in their own way. That bit of information was given to me after I said that I don't want anything formal. I want to be in a pine box, and be fertilizer for all the daylilies planted on top of me. How wrong is that? I think people understand that there are those of us who grieve and hurt inside without being there. I want to remember people the way they were and how much they meant to me in life. How blessed we are when we have known someone who makes us feel that we are better for the opportunity of having them in our lives. WOW! I really got carried away.Dianehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03397087180636686873noreply@blogger.com