tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post7728130433683527519..comments2024-03-22T18:15:57.909-04:00Comments on A Haven for Vee: It's Not All About Alzheimer's—Is that Selfish?Veehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00618654361869856894noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-40189369035299409992010-06-20T19:39:35.582-04:002010-06-20T19:39:35.582-04:00Dear Vee, I think you are to hard on yourself. Bei...Dear Vee, I think you are to hard on yourself. Being a care giver, and especially to anyone with any type of confusion can be absolutely and totally draining. Sometimes you just have to say enough.God certainly would understand this. I hope you find the answers your looking for. In the mean time I always keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-80068264093487057952010-06-17T01:06:58.917-04:002010-06-17T01:06:58.917-04:00Vee, after reading your last two posts...my heart ...Vee, after reading your last two posts...my heart is feeling your pain and exhaustion in all of this. <br /><br />I have not walked in your shoes, any advise I would have to share would be from a lack of experience in this kind of situation. <br /><br />All I can say is that your reward is waiting for you. Don't know when and don't know how, but God does. God see's your sacrifice, your obedience, and your servanthood.<br /><br />Seeking out help is wisdom, a good decision, it's good for you, John and Nan. You are doing the right thing. <br /><br />I support you and stand with you in prayer for every door to be open and for every obstacle to stand aside. Let there be peace in your home and let the "joy" of the Lord be your strength as you walk out this season in your life.Knitting Maniahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07751227475793526295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-25471541057271690402010-06-16T22:16:19.061-04:002010-06-16T22:16:19.061-04:00I am a couple of posts behind in this, but have ca...I am a couple of posts behind in this, but have caught up. I can't even begin to imagine what you have been dealing with on a second by second basis. I would probably be standing right where you are and dealing with it exactly as you have been.<br /><br />Sending you HUGE hugs your way and sending extras for your grandmother.<br />xo,<br /><br />PennyPenny from Enjoying The Simple Thingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01480355122441712250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-72872037785468251112010-06-16T19:36:34.773-04:002010-06-16T19:36:34.773-04:00Vee,
Your friends are right. They are helping sav...Vee,<br />Your friends are right. They are helping save you. I don't know you. I have seen many care givers go down before those who need the care do. My mother for example is laying in a nursing home bed after a massive stroke 10 years ago. At first mom was at home but not now. Mom has 2 sisters that are younger that may pass before her. It is hard that she cannot talk or walk, or use the bathroom. It grieves them and as they just watch they get sick. Think of what it does to you the one doing so much care giving. Only when you let her stay some place else will you really know what you've been through. She will be safe. They can give her medication to help her be calm.Ritahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07287238810628574373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-24195929929301248552010-06-16T18:36:02.214-04:002010-06-16T18:36:02.214-04:00Comments on....comments off. Doesn't matter to...Comments on....comments off. Doesn't matter to me because I know where to find you!!! HA. <br /><br />You know very well I'm in solidarity with you on all that is going on in your life right now. Many years ago I made the big mistake of giving everything of myself, actually more than I had to give. This is a dangerous path because in the end you are no good to anybody, including yourself. <br /><br />I'm typing this on Wednesday and I see that the social worker has called in the Cavalry, and that is actually a good thing. Professional help is what doctor ordered in this case. There is nothing you could have done that would have caused a failure to thrive situation. You've done the right thing by reassuring Nan that she is safe. She's feeling that things are out of her control and that indeed is scary. Take care my friend.Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06475380451527801666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-52995575175202286292010-06-16T17:56:50.424-04:002010-06-16T17:56:50.424-04:00Sometimes, yes, because I'd really wanted to l...Sometimes, yes, because I'd really wanted to leave a comment..and I always choose for myself if I want to leave a comment, not about obligation..Like the other day with your mosaic - it was sooo pretty - I wanted you to know..<br /><br />Now, about the selfish part - no, you're not..you're SOOOO not. You must take care of you to be strong enough to take care of her. If this were a friend of yours in your situation, wouldn't you counsel them to take care? And would you truly believe that?So, why o =d they get better treatment from you than YOU do from you? Silly you..now go take caer of you, OK?<br />Love ya,<br />meColleen - the AmAzINg Mrs. Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06230264141748182037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-74348965329470546542010-06-16T16:25:37.589-04:002010-06-16T16:25:37.589-04:00I just read today's blog. You are doing it yo...I just read today's blog. You are doing it your way and you are doing it perfectly. You see....God knows you and he knows who you care for and he put you together because you could do just what she needs. She loves you. Whatever you decide will be good. Just pray and you will know your answer. It may not be the answer you want or feel comfortable with but it will be the answer.Ritahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07287238810628574373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-60462716577313393572010-06-16T12:15:37.987-04:002010-06-16T12:15:37.987-04:0012:10pm Wed.
And not to forget your header. It&...12:10pm Wed.<br /><br />And not to forget your header. It's very lovely. Very. And you can easily leave it up, till through July 4th if you choose. :-)<br /><br />But I hope that before that, you'll get the chance to seek out something Yellow, to photograph. For another Header mosaic. And then play in the Yellow Background Colors, we can now find in Blogger. <br /><br />After being told how, I now can access them. If you missed how, I'll be glad to point you to them. Naturally, one of my wonderful readers came to my rescue and told me howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.<br /><br />Gentle hugs...Auntie sezzzzzz...https://www.blogger.com/profile/16170232476926222740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-70506207994286601042010-06-16T12:08:56.843-04:002010-06-16T12:08:56.843-04:00Noon time on Wed....
Please, please, please Dear,...Noon time on Wed....<br /><br />Please, please, please Dear, do not take on any .... bad feelings, from the term 'Failure to thrive.' Please. It is only a term. And you know that all beaurocracy has to have specific terms for everything.<br /><br />And as you noted, she IS 100. Are our bodies really built to THRIVE, at such an advanced age? Really, Dear? I don't think so...<br /><br />And I'm not sure what Hospice Care will consist of, but... You will tell us, when you know.<br /><br />Meanwhile, like everyone else who reads your blog, I will hold you in my heart. With best wishes for all the strength you can manage. YOU! Yes, YOU. You know that you are the only one I really care about, in all of this.<--Yes, I know, that sounds bad. <br /><br />But I'm on your side, Babe! I've got your back, from a distance. -sigh- As if 'from a distance' is of any help but...<br /><br />Gentle hugs...Auntie sezzzzzz...https://www.blogger.com/profile/16170232476926222740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-46282447916926390512010-06-16T11:23:04.382-04:002010-06-16T11:23:04.382-04:00Wednesday,...
Vee, I'm praying for you and Na...Wednesday,...<br /><br />Vee, I'm praying for you and Nan. Hospice care is wonderful - it doesn't always mean "end of life", but ultimate care when one is fading. I know it's hard. I've been there, too. You and Nan are in my thoughts and my heart.<br /><br />VickieVickiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07741431727993692456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-5933325767724412492010-06-16T10:24:27.792-04:002010-06-16T10:24:27.792-04:00Wednesday...
Look Vee, I'm playing in Yellows...Wednesday...<br /><br />Look Vee, I'm <a href="http://auntameliasattic.blogspot.com/2010/06/of-playing-in-yellow-and-boh-and-marble.html" rel="nofollow">playing in Yellows</a>. :-)<br /><br />Gentle hugs....Auntie sezzzzzz...https://www.blogger.com/profile/16170232476926222740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-74574975753381837912010-06-16T06:32:57.180-04:002010-06-16T06:32:57.180-04:00I think the daycare solution is a very good idea f...I think the daycare solution is a very good idea for your situation. They are not all monsters there, there are some very caring loving people there who will take good care of Nan and give you much needed respite.<br /><br />As for comments? It is YOUR blog, and you should do as you like. I don't mind them being off, sometimes it is very appropriate.Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14461035242167080435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-50259003816213850602010-06-16T01:43:10.149-04:002010-06-16T01:43:10.149-04:00Sensing your heart for your grandmother's need...Sensing your heart for your grandmother's needs and balancing that with your own is a delicate and yet weighty decision. The Lord is guiding you through with helps that I believe are wonderful aids meant for our use! Praise Him for opening these doors for your gran.<br /><br />No, it doesn't both me at all to have comments blocked for a day now and then. It is a selfless thing for you to do and shows to me that you are not dependant on these comments to keep you going. It is a rest, a breath of fresh air. The reader can feast and pray and go away refreshed without saying a word. We need more often to listen. And we know that there'll be plenty of opportunity for input round the corner.<br /><br />Thanks for your encouraging visit today!Gwendolynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07223125509850426320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-85460871564109523192010-06-15T22:43:41.754-04:002010-06-15T22:43:41.754-04:00Vee,
This is not selfish at all. I told you that ...Vee,<br />This is not selfish at all. I told you that someone close to me in my family has Alzheimers Disease and it is impossible to dance with jello all the time. Thats what AD is like, it's like trying to dance with jello. Some days nothing makes sense except trying to reason with someone who can't always make sense of things. I think that it the constant movement that gets to me sometimes. <br /><br />Once I had a very stressful job in NYC. I was completely burned out when I resigned. I will never forget what he said to me. "Karen, we pay you allot of money because we expect that you know how to take care of yourself and how not to burn out."<br /><br />Loving yourself the way God loves you means that it is good to take care of yourself. Remember the stories in the Bible how Jesus always went away for a while to renew His spirit. <br /><br />By the way I did bake a cake, a gorgeous coconut layer cake. I planned to photograph it on that lovely white cake stand. Well, one by one my family arrived home (my husband ate the first piece) and well I felt guilty so I had them eat the cake. Thus an empty cake stand.<br /><br />I hope that you get all the support that you need. I bought a wonderful book at Borders one day. It is the Chicken Soup for caregivers of Alzheimer's patients. All lovely short stories, some made me cry and some gave me a real good laugh.<br /><br />Wishing you a wonderful evening dear Vee.<br /><br />KarenAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01487481759201796912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-71161795694880189242010-06-15T20:59:17.074-04:002010-06-15T20:59:17.074-04:00I wanted to tell you what a lovely mosaic you made...I wanted to tell you what a lovely mosaic you made yesterday, but it didn't bother me that I could not leave a comment. <br /><br />The decisions you are making are hard ones. Praying you will find rest and peace as God leads you.<br /><br />Kindly, ldhGratefulPrayerThankfulHearthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05912258806814037028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-32585899907357145942010-06-15T20:05:40.462-04:002010-06-15T20:05:40.462-04:00Vee,
So sorry you had to reach the end of your ro...Vee,<br /><br />So sorry you had to reach the end of your rope before you shouted out for help. Praying you will find the right answer for you and your grandmother. <br /><br />I can't remember if I told you about an excellent book on the subject at hand, The 36 Hour Day. I found it to be most helpful when we were walking through Alzheimer's and dementia with my mother-in-law.<br /><br />Nothing about your decision is selfish. We eventually had to choose a nursing home when I was unable to meet my MIL's needs both physically and medically. A little time away from home for Nana will be good for you both.<br /><br />You are not alone, there is only one footprint in the sand, He is carrying you through this difficult time AND we are here for you, listening and praying. Praying you will find a peaceful solution best for all concerned.Sandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16262542152196076333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-15689390924167616932010-06-15T17:53:06.913-04:002010-06-15T17:53:06.913-04:00I think of you so often and wonder how you do it. ...I think of you so often and wonder how you do it. It is such a hard situation you are facing on your journey, but I feel it is so important for you to get as much help as you can. It is too big of a job for one person. <br />When I became my mom's Power of Attorney, I scarcely knew what the title meant. I suddenly became the one that had to make all of the decisions and I knew nothing about late stage Alzheimer's, strokes, Medicare, nursing homes, etc. Though my siblings offered to help, there was not a lot they could do from a distance especially when I was the one that had to sign papers and so forth. It was often a very scary and lonely place. People would tell me not to feel guilty about some of the choices I had to make, but that was so much easier said than done.<br />I recently saw Gail Sheehy on tv discussing her new book "Passages In Caregiving". It sounded like it could be very helpful to anybody who is in the caregiver position. <br />As far as the links you share, I do visit Moving Forward with Alzheimer's and agree with you that it is a wonderful blog and Dolores is such a sweet lady. <br />I don't mind one single bit if you turn your comments off. <br />Sorry to ramble on so long. My prayers will be with you.Happy@Homehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15748146424809856063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-84473700586587030192010-06-15T15:57:26.154-04:002010-06-15T15:57:26.154-04:00I think you are making a wise choice! Caretaking b...I think you are making a wise choice! Caretaking becomes a 24/7 job so respite care is a neccessity to allow the care taker to take care of themselves.<br /><br />I will have to examine all the links, Vee. I'm sure I'll find some helpful information that I also need right now.<br /><br />I don't mind "comments off" at all. It's your blog, your choice!<br />:-)Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoritihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08922525910685129822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-30723727491334662132010-06-15T15:21:43.846-04:002010-06-15T15:21:43.846-04:00I am a newcomer to your blog, but I just wanted to...I am a newcomer to your blog, but I just wanted to thank you for your post today. It really ministered to me. <br />It is important to have needed respites and also to have compassion on yourself. I lose sight of that a lot.<br />Thank you again, so much! God bless you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-87777285860378596482010-06-15T14:31:22.616-04:002010-06-15T14:31:22.616-04:00Vee, I fully support your need for respite care - ...Vee, I fully support your need for respite care - you are crazy to think you can do it alone. You can't. No one can. My mother was SOLE caregiver for my Dad for 15 years because they live in a rural area and she didn't qualify for paid help and couldn't afford to pay herself/ourselves for all-day care. So she left him alone when she worked, with no help from his family, and did it all in the evenings and weekends, including coming home periodically during the day to check on him (no thanks to the pricks she worked for, who hassled her about this).<br /><br />Suffice it to say, I GET IT and it can be hell on earth. All I know is, I am happy my mother is still alive and I am surprised she is with all the stress she endured. Nights of Dad waking her in the night banging cupboards, almost setting the house on fire, falls in the night, fecal incontinence in Walmart. It is not pretty and I don't know how she did it. And his family has never acknowledged all she did. But she knows. And he knew, and I did, and her family knew. And God knows. And that is what matters.<br /><br />But in the end, you have to save yourself as best you can because you cannot be up all night and function the next day and deal with all the demands. It sounds like she should be in a care home. Are there no good ones in the area? Then you can enjoy visits and not have to be caregiver. I do not believe that family should always assume that role, no matter how much we want to. We have the right to do it and love them, but you also have the right to your own life. Mom did not take that right and almost lost her life for it (heart attack right in the middle of that 15-year period).<br />You don't love her any less if you get help. Don't be a martyr. It is not love when we are killing ourselves or our spirit...Do it as long as you can but try to recognize when you cannot go on. Respite care does help. Mom could not even get that in her rural area. I thank God every day that she is still here, as Dad was basically physically disabled with behavioural and frontal lobe issues and basically hell on wheels.<br /><br />Sad and hard but the caregivers are the ones killing themselves in the name of love once it reaches a certain point.<br /><br />Terri xoWindlosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17014227226507484798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-59417357862743068192010-06-15T14:24:33.170-04:002010-06-15T14:24:33.170-04:00vee, you could write about peanuts
everyday, and ...vee, you could write about peanuts <br />everyday, and we would still enjoy it.<br /><br />i respect that you close comments on <br />sundays.<br /><br />and i'm thrilled you're getting some<br />help with your grandmother.<br /><br />blessings,<br />leamyletterstoemilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17555607498974287844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-77709614065857994772010-06-15T14:21:03.591-04:002010-06-15T14:21:03.591-04:00Vee, It is your blog. Do and say and write what y...Vee, It is your blog. Do and say and write what you want.<br /><br />Remember, this isn't about just yourself or being selfish. First, you do have your self to take care of. Several have said it before; you aren't any good to anyone if you aren't well. You have a husband, a mother, children, and especially your grandchildren (who are going to grow up way too fast). I'm positive that they love you and would like to spend some time with you, too.<br /><br />(Side note: I think it sure wouldn't have hurt any of my family members to have spent more time with their grandmother/greatgrandmother - whether it was uncomfortable for them or not. Might have taught them some tolerance, patience, and a different kind of love.)Packrathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02986387347283221427noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-34440378198156690712010-06-15T13:10:54.572-04:002010-06-15T13:10:54.572-04:00I think the Daycare is a good idea. Maybe your gr...I think the Daycare is a good idea. Maybe your grandmother will even grow to like her day out. So many times we just focus on the person who needs the care and not on the care giver. We all need time for ourselves to be a better person for everyone around us. :-)<br /><br />Your blog is the only one I read that has the comments turned off at times. It really makes no difference to me. I will read it either way. :-)happyonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14186179870233267082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-36606122341688191722010-06-15T12:53:03.551-04:002010-06-15T12:53:03.551-04:00I am such a talker, I don't like it when I see...I am such a talker, I don't like it when I see comments turned off!!<br /><br />I think you should take any option available to you. Remember that the quality of care you extend to your family is dependent on the quality of care you give to yourself. <br /><br />I was reading Becky's post and I agree with her, do what you want to on your blog as far as comments go! I will survive! LOL!Terri Steffeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02544793349029524184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4152193618785368659.post-83808164374374137232010-06-15T12:28:00.956-04:002010-06-15T12:28:00.956-04:00No, it doesn't bother me, Vee. Not at all!
If...No, it doesn't bother me, Vee. Not at all!<br /><br />If you get an option of respite care, take it. It saved my sanity, believe me. Dad was in for 2 weeks. I nearly disgraced myself by considering cartwheels down the high street. And I loved him dearly. I just SO needed some time to be a Mum and a friend again. Me. I had lost me. Day care is also brilliant. Even one day a week. Grab it. Granny will have to adapt. <br />(Big hug from Switz.)Lindshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17141761866483224572noreply@blogger.com