Things Too Good Not to Share

Just a few things to share this morning. I see you nodding. Of course. That's what we do here in Blogdom.

How about a cup of tea and a piece of cinnamon toast while we chat? Do you like this tea pot? I do.  It's made from the words that I used this week on my blog. Terri shared the site earlier this week. You simply use your blog's url to create something fun.  Check it out and see what you come up with.

Dolores shared something pretty cool at her blog Moving Forward with Alzheimers. It's a video where a dollar is contributed to Alzheimer's research with every viewing. If I can help by watching a video, I'm thrilled. I hope that you may be, too.

And I said that I wasn't going to talk about the sewing room again. What a liar I am!

It's Not All About Alzheimer's—Is that Selfish?

 ^37-40Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them." (Matthew 22:37-39, The Message)

There's a fine line between thinking about challenges in the best possible light and denial. At least, I 've always found that to be true. I've been living in some denial of late and find myself now making difficult decisions. My denial has been that "I can do this." Worse yet it has been "I can do this alone."

In an attempt to get some help with my grandmother, Home Health was called in. It's been a regular nightmare. No offense to home health for when truly needed, it's a blessing. When it's not, it's an interruption and an irritation. Come to find out, what I really needed was respite care. Big difference.

And what Nan really needs is a caregiver who is not strung out by her needs/wants/demands, sleep deprivation, and providing constant 24/7 care.

A social worker has been called in to share the resources available. I've only been able to find one resource, which turns out to be a day care center for elders. Oh, Nan is so not going to like this, but it is going to be necessary for me. That's the rub. This is going to be a selfish move on my part to give me a break. I need a break. I, I, I, need a break.

It's too easy, as a Believer, to feel that one must do and do and do and wear oneself completely out on the altar of give, give, give. Yes, some of you have even warned me. I remember.

That's why when I read this quote by E.B. White, it resonated. I have no idea where Mr. White's faith stood, but I do rather agree, well all except for that first bit there about the "most interesting."

Self is the most interesting thing in the world—if not carried to extremes
—and life would be far less gallant and exciting if men were not
continually absorbed with watching what they're doing with their own
hands and marvelling at the stew which is simmering in their own heads.
I hate people who are not interested in themselves.

At first glance, that sounds mighty selfish, but let's think about it. Do you know anyone who is interesting who is disinterested in him/herself? I don't. I don't think it's healthy. And isn't it fascinating to read from the Word that we can only love others when we love ourselves?

Just want to add here that this is not going to become a blog about Alzheimer's or caregiving just as it wasn't one about cancer or mental illness or the other concerns my family faces. Rather, it remains about my simple journey through this life and what interests me. Thank you for joining me for the first time or the seven hundredth. What a privilege to have you visit.

(I've been exploring some sites that focus on Alzheimer's and wish to provide the links of those that have been especially meaningful to me. It will grow with time, I'm certain.)

Caring.com a wealth of information
Memory Bridge ditto
Memory Bridge Video 9 makes me cry
Moving Forward with Alzheimer's a wonderful blog!

Oh, one last thing that perhaps you can help me with. Does it bug you when a blogger turns off comments? Go ahead, let me know. I can take it. :D

Counting the Cost of Caregiving

So you are considering caring for a parent or a grandparent in your home... The Bible tells us to *"count the cost" of any major decision. Therefore, I have a few things I'd like to share with you followed by a little story from my own experience.

Have you always gotten along well with this person? If so, having this loved one come to your home may work very well; if not, your chances of success are less than a snowball's in Haiti.

Are you able to empathize with this person's loss of autonomy? If you can place yourself in his or her shoes, it will help you understand why s/he clings to control or why s/he is experiencing depression, both of which are very common in the elderly.

Speaking of clinging to control, when the chips are down, are you able to speak firmly into this person's life? Can you say when a bath must be taken or when a walker must be used or any one of a number of musts? If you couldn't possibly, you will soon find yourself run over by an elderly loved one who is trying to remain in control to the detriment of his or her own health, not to mention yours.

Is your home safe? By that I mean, are there scatter rugs about? Are light switches easily accessible? Are the floors level? Are there cats that scratch? Dogs that jump? Is there room to pass in the hall? If there are any concerns about your home, carefully consider what having an invalid there will mean.

Also, are there at least two bathrooms in the home? If not, it's important to know that one's own health is put at risk when one must regularly wait for bathroom time as will often prove necessary with an elderly person in residence.

What about the dietary needs of the individual? Are you willing to prepare multiple meals to satisfy the needs or even whims of your guest?

What about the extra work load that a guest requires? The laundry, the cleaning, the personal care requirements? Can you take care of another's most personal care needs? Can you give another person a bath? Can you clean another's dentures? Can you do this for your own ______?

Can you communicate clearly with doctors, lawyers, the IRA, Medicare, Social Security, etc., and so on?

Are you willing to give up personal time? Are you willing to give up music or whatever.it.may.be. that your guest finds upsetting? In my own circumstance, I have given up seeing my grandchildren as often as I'd like as my loved one finds them "too loud and boisterous" and I must be careful with music.

If you've answered yes to these questions, you may well be a candidate to step in as a personal caregiver for someone you love. If you've answered no, this is a good way of sorting out what kind of commitment you are willing to take on.

Caring for an elderly relative can be extremely rewarding, even when the elderly relative/friend doesn't seem to appreciate much of what is done for him or her. If your source of strength comes from the Lord and you need no personal recognition, not even a thank you, you will be better off for it. If you are leaning on the Lord and allowing Him to lead, together you may be able to see your loved one safely home (from this world to the next) without any appreciable time being spent in a nursing care facility. It is my prayer...

*Luke 14:28–30

***

As I pushed my grandmother into the examining room, the nurse asked me a bit under her breath, "How are you?"

I grinned at her as best I could and said, "One of us needs a pill. Perhaps it's me."

It had been the worst possible of days. Nan has begun to wander and she has already fallen three times. She hears water running in the night and can't believe that I am so careless as to leave the water on so she must go check. She hears music and can't believe that I am so careless as to leave the computer on or the radio on or the tv on and must go check. It's never her problem; it's always mine.

Trying to explain that she is scaring me to death is like trying to explain the theory of relativity to her. She waves her hand and says, "pah!"

The doctor does a cognitive test that my grandmother passes with flying colors. It includes writing, drawing, remembering things in series, and spelling forwards and backwards. I had no idea that my little nana could spell "toward" backwards. Goodness, I'm not sure that I could. In the end, the doctor says that her mind is very good. "I know that," she states emphatically.

"Then you are wandering about knowing full well what you're doing?" the doctor asks gently.

"Yes."

Wonder why I'm sitting here with a five-page information sheet on Alzheimer's with her name on the top that begins...

"A common difficult behavior associated with AD is wandering..."