Monday, March 2, 2015

Comfort One Another

It was one of those weeks. The losses were not unexpected, but hit in the solar plexus all the same. So on Saturday, half the family went in one direction and the other half went the opposite. Two funerals, same day, same time, different locations.
 
In true denial mode, I opted to remain home and watch the grands. You know how I say that I am very good at death in theory just horrid in practice. Not that I've ever practiced dying, but that I am not good with saying the right things nor just being quiet when I am unsure of what to say. Sadly, a few of you have already learned that by virtue of having "known" me these past several years. I can pray and that's the extent of my ministering. There is no right nor wrong  comment to make because what one finds helpful to hear, another is horrified by. This is why listening to the Holy Spirit is so very important in each circumstance. 

As an example, I despise sympathy cards...loathe them...they send me into a tailspin. This is not ordinary. I am the oddball in this and it is so difficult for me that I can't even begin to explain it. Both the selecting/sending and the receiving. Ackkk... I'm sure that I have some nasty social anxiety disorder. 
*cough* 
I knew it. 

Anyway, what I am saying is that all of this has been a source of discomfort to me through the years. One should learn early how to comfort those who need comforting. We certainly are given ample opportunity to hone the skill.
Are you "good" with comforting? Good with the right words? Good with offering a shoulder to lean on? Bless you for it! 

That was depressing, just had to get it off my chest.
 
***

I hope to do a little commentary on Downton Abbey later this week. Wasn't it a comforting final show of the season when nearly all of the right words were said?


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59 comments:

  1. I am sorry to hear all this, because I see you are suffering even more in wanting to comfort the chief mourners....I don't know anyone, actually, who feels they know what to say. And that is because whatever on believes, at this time and place there is loss and grief. People need to take time to grieve. And it is not easy. Don't beat up on yourself, Vee, and certainly, know you are not alone. I have been procrastinating on writing some sympathy cards myself. But I have a huge box of cards I received when Paul died, and every so often I look through them and find comfort in knowing how many people cared and reached out then.

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  2. I am mediocre at best at comforting. There simply aren't any perfect words to say, nothing makes losing a loved one better, you can only let someone know that they are loved. I agree with your discomfort in sending sympathy cards, but I do try to push past it and send them with a short note just so the bereaved feels supported. What more can we do? So sorry you've had a rough patch. :(

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  3. Hi Vee! I can tell it is strongly on your mind. I understand. Patrick, my husband of 43 years died 17 years ago this past Christmas, and card came and I put them in a large vanilla envelope and put it in his file..there are a couple of them out there I think. I could not open them. I may have years later but I don't remembver doing it. I would rather die, seriously than go through that again. When my second husband died after just six short but lovely years of marriage..it wasn't so bad. I coped, I was sad but not out of my head with grief. I opened the cards, gratefully, but not happily. I had walked the path before...if that makes sense to you.
    My only words, IF I HAVE to speak is, "I'm here. If you need me, I am here for you." None of us know what to say. We all react differently. I don't think it's a comfortable time for anyone. Just so sad. An Interesting and REAL post. Thank you.
    Mona

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  4. I am sorry for your sadness and your losses, Vee. We all deal with grief in different ways and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Praying for you.

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  5. We had the same thing happen recently. We lost a dear family member to ALS and a wonderful friend to cancer and the funerals were on the same day in two diffent states. They both died way too young and it's so very hard to find the words, but a hug can sometimes be all they need. Needless to say we could only attend one of the funerals.

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  6. I am horrible with death. In fact I had a call this evening to tell me that a colleague had died. I didn't know what to say and am sure that I came off as horrid. I didn't mean to be. I will probably cry after I return from work and have to face people, I do my grieving in the car alone while driving - not that I recommend it! Don't worry about how you handle things, I am sure that you do the very best that you are able to do and that others know that too. The fact that you are aware of your own difficulties shows that. I am sorry for your losses - but not sure if that is the right thing to say or not! xx

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  7. I probably say the wrong things sometimes and some more comforting things sometimes. Starting very young I attended viewings and funerals with my parents. We were never shielded from death. I've probably been to more funerals than weddings. I like myself most after the fact when I don't say much at all but just hug someone. So hugs to you, I've already said too much!

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  8. I think there are very few people who feel they know "the right thing to say" in time of death. We all struggle with the words. But just a hug, or a simple "I'm thinking of you" can be of comfort to someone who is grieving. I'm better with taking food than I am with "words". We all do our best, and everyone grieves in their own way.
    Kindest thoughts and sincere sympathies to you, dear Vee.

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  9. You are so honest, Vee. Many, if not most, of us don't know what the right words or gestures are that will comfort someone. I think each occasion is unique, just as each person is unique, so there's no formula.

    I just received word of a friend that passed last night. I'm not very good with cards, either, but I think I will send one to her husband.

    Downton Abbey ended on a high note, I thought. At the beginning of the episode, I wondered about Lord Grantham - surely they wouldn't kill him off. I think Julian Fellowes was playing with us all with the ulcer.

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  10. I'm in the same mind, never went to the funerals as a child and still don't like them, I would be happy not to have one myself and don't mind if no one turns up if I have to have one.
    We all have to die but why do we have to make such a celebration of it.
    Merle................

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    1. If all goes well, it will be a great celebration!

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  11. Hello dear Vee. I'm sorry you had losses, and glad you were able to keep the grands during both services. As for comforting another, how do we really know what is right? Words that would work for one, might not work for another. I found the best form of comfort that seemed well received by many, was just being present. Words didn't even have to be exchanged, in fact, the less I said, the better. The other form of comfort I offer, but only after asking permission, is praying for the person I'm with. Not telling them I will pray, but actually taking their hands and praying for them right then and there. It is most often well received. A couple of years ago my friend lost her husband unexpectedly. I texted a verse to her every day, she didn't need to reply. I knew she was getting them. It was a great encouragement to her. ~ Abby

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  12. Like you and what seems to be many others, I also am not very good at my comforting skills. I agree with Ellen, above...just giving a hug seems to be the right thing to do. And, yes, I very much enjoyed Downton last night :)

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  13. Two deaths and funerals the same day is difficult, Vee. I'm so sorry --That's quite overwhelming. There is no correct thing to say or do when someone dies. Being as supportive as much as one feels comfortable is always a good idea. I think it's always best to follow our heart. Keeping the grands was needed and you filled that need. Hugs ♥

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  14. I must always say the wrong things but I hope that people know that I care about them and that that is what comes across. I hope so anyway.
    I am sorry for your losses.

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  15. I don't think I'm very good at comforting, either, dear Vee. I generally take food. It's as comforting as I can think of during times like that. I hug, pray, take food and check back with them in a day or two.....after everyone has left ...I take them to lunch if I can. I think most of us just do what we'd like for them to do for us.
    And, I'm pretty sure you are way more comfort than you think. Sometimes, just being there is a great comfort.

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  16. Hello Vee, I must say that I am never sure what to say either. Life is so fragile, yet so tough, it is amazing what we all survive. And a hug, does go a long ways...
    Roxy

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  17. OOO, and I wanted to say you keeping the kids so the others could go to funerals and etc...I'm sure that was very much appreciated.
    When my daughter and hubby's best friends, Paige and Kyle, lost their oldest son in an auto accident a few years ago, they wanted my girl and her hubby there with them. I stayed with the kids for a week while things were settled and the funeral was over. The next time Paige came to see my daughter, she brought two large rooster prints I had admired once in her home to me...her way of thanking me in allowing my girl to come stay with them thru the hardest time of their lives.
    I'm telling you this so you know that your staying with the grands was indeed a comfort to all.

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  18. We have had a lot of loss in our church family this past year. Not immediate attenders, but their parents, a child, aunts. There has been a lot of comforting going on. Sometimes the only thing we can say is "I'm sorry for your loss," and "I love you." I'm sure I've talked too much, in trying hard to be comforting, at times. God knows my heart.

    Choosing to stay with your grandsons is important too, Vee. They need to know normalcy and comfort when there is loss.

    Deanna

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  19. There's no "right" way to do this; you were a blessing watching the grands. Bless you Vee; you're being too hard on yourself. It's hard on everyone, all the way around.

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  20. That's tough having two deaths at the same time but looking after the grands was a good option for you in this case. Sometimes it's very difficult to find the right words, card or way of offering condolences to someone who has lost a loved one, but I usually send a card and, if possible, attend the visitation and/or the funeral. I find a lot of it is done on Facebook or other social media these days. When my brother passed away last November I had dozens of sympathy notes on Facebook and received 3 cards in the mail. A few years ago it would have been a couple dozen cards! Times have changed. I don't follow Downton Abbey. Sad eh? Hugs. Pam

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  21. Having had to attend too many funerals of my own relatives, I can say...from my standpoint, at least...that a hug and "I'm sorry for your loss" means a lot. I can still remember a woman who came through the line at my older brother's funeral and told me she didn't do hugs. That was really cold and she would have been better off not saying a word. Maybe she didn't mean to say that. But really, how hard is it to give a little hug? Of course, I suppose on the other end of the spectrum, there are those who don't like to receive them. But, I do think that a hug is an expression of comfort and at a funeral it is quite appropriate.

    My friend, Ell, is a big giver of food and never failed to show up at my house with food when there was a death in my family. It is so very appreciated and I also try to take a casserole or pie to those I know really well. It really helps the family out at a time when cooking is the last thing on your mind.

    And keeping the boys while their parents attended the funeral was important. Don't be too hard on yourself. You filled a need and was a comfort to their parents knowing their children were in good hands.

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  22. I understand what you're saying. It's hard for me, too. I also have a difficult time visiting folks in the hospital. My husband on the other hand is gifted with comforting & going for hospital visits.

    Hugs,
    Carol

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  23. I mean to add that I always liked receiving a card from those I know, too. It didn't matter what kind of card it was or how fancy or expensive. Just the idea that someone thought to take the time to write a line or two and send it was thoughtful and meant a lot.

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  24. What I usually do is just hug the person and when they cry, I just cry right along with them.

    It will be hard to have to wait until next January to see the next season of DA.

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  25. I am not the best in expressing sympathy face to face, Vee. I often cry along with the family of the deceased when I attend a wake, and just say "I'm so sorry." I am better in writing my feelings down on paper, so I do better writing my feelings in a sympathy card. I try to write my happy memories about the person so those thoughts will add on to what others told them and bring some comfort to their family.

    My husband and I did enjoy the last show of season 5 of Downton Abby! I wish we did not have to wait a whole year for season 6!

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  26. I am sorry to hear about your recent losses. I don't think there is a one of us who is good at comforting, as I am sure there is as many ways to give it and to receive it as there are people. Everyone is so different. Goodness knows I have floundered my way through many such events. One in particular I will never forget. My childhood and life long girl friend lost her oldest son at 9 years of age when he was hit by a car. Every single parents very worst nightmare actually happened to her. I knew I had to go to her and yet I cringed at what I might say or do. I wanted to hide which sounds terrible but honest I did. I forced myself to drive to her house and found it full of her family and her new friends and I REALLY wanted to get back in my car and drive away. I have never felt so inadequate in all my life. Somehow I made it into the house and she caught sight of me and fell into my arms crying and I simply cried with her. There were no words. She sat by side and I held her hand and we said nothing at all for over an hour. When it was time to leave we hugged again and I simply said I love you. Nothing more was said until the day of the funeral. Years later she told me how much strength I gave her that day by just sitting with her saying nothing at all. I am sooo glad that my inadequacy comforted her though I felt like I should have said something. I simply couldn't. I usually send cards as I can carefully think out what to say that might help. But I think the bottom line is pretty much always the same. There really isn't much to say.

    We just finished watching Downton. We tape it on Sun nights and watch it on Monday nights. Soo good. I will be looking forward to your commentary on it.

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  27. I'm not sure I ever have the right words to say either...and am often afraid to even try...but just being there for someone in their loss is often the best. I tend to 'stay away' as well...while my sis-in-law is always the first on the scene with the right words and actions. When at a loss...maybe a hug is the best route to go.

    Now...let me go watch the final episode of DA and then I can give an informed comment about that. :)

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    1. It was a great wrap-up to this season of DA. Of course...I still have a lot of questions as to where they will go next season. I have heard rumours that Maggie Smith may be leaving after next season...and certainly hope it's not true. She is the best! I spent a whole night wondering where I knew Lady Mary's new potential beau from (Matthew Goode) and it finally dawned on me...he is Finn Polmar on the Good Wife.

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  28. Ah, you say that you can pray...and I believe that that is the best thing anyway!! What can be more helpful than to lift the hurting person up to the Father who knows exactly what is needed for comfort? And then letting that person know that you are praying...

    When my good friend's husband was diagnosed with advance malignant melanoma (he passed away only 7 weeks later), I sent her a card to tell her that I was praying for HER. I knew that so many people were praying for her husband, and rightly so. But I felt that my friend needed to know that someone was going to be praying for her. She has told me that she keeps that card in her nightstand and that it has been a great comfort to her in these short years that have followed. I am not one who really "knows" just the right words to say, so I know that the Holy Spirit guided.

    Reading over all of your comments, it is apparent that many of us struggle with the right response and saying the right thing. For most, it is not easy. Death is not easy. But I agree with others who say that taking care of the grands was a good and helpful thing for you to do.

    I am sorry for all of the losses. Expected or unexpected, it is hard to say good-bye.

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  29. We all do what we can, Vee. It's a good thing that we're not all good at the same thing. Your staying back with the children was a ministry - for sure. I appreciate your honesty in this. It helps others to know that someone with your gift for empathy has trouble with the sympathy - or in the vocalising that sympathy, for you surely show it in action.

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  30. Interesting you mentioned that, Vee. A few years ago our civil women's club had a visiting speaker at our general meeting who spoke about what to say and not to say when dealing with grief. It came at a good time because we had just have several of the ladies lose their spouses.

    I learned a lot that day. The one thing that was stated over and over and over again is never EVER say to a newly grieved person "I know how you feel." Because that is absolutely impossible. We were told "I am so sorry you are hurting, but please know you can ask anything of me if you find yourself in need, because this isn't going to be easy for you. But I care and am here for you."

    Makes sense. I am sorry for your losses, two funeral on same day is just too much at once. I am glad the grands had you to comfort them. I am sure they felt the behavior of grief keenly. You nailed it on the head about praying and listening to the Holy Spirit. God bless you, Vee. Hugs.

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  31. Miss Vee...I love the way you expressed this. Honest feeling and gently expressed. My mother was the same way.....she just could not do funerals or express her sorrow. She did this privately. It's ok. Perhaps it's not so much about the funeral, but more about the relationship with the living....and your prayers with the good lord. I so enjoy you!

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  32. Grief is just plain uncomfortable. I never enjoy putting myself in a situation where my "wetter" emotions might be viewed. However, I'm sure there are others who truly want or need to express those feelings. Praying for you, your friends and family who are forced to walk this road during this time.
    About Downton....I was quite delighted by one turn of events, was frustrated in a good way by the tease that continues regarding Tom and the sisters....and happy to see a positive (for now) resolution on the neverending saga of the tortured couple.

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  33. Vee, after reading your post I'm reminded of the saying "honesty is the best policy". We all handle death, dying and grief differently. I so admire those who work with the dying -- it is so difficult ... not the dying itself, but the hand holding of those who are left behind. Prayer is enough and knowing that if they need something -- you are there. I'm now waiting for the next season of Downton after that lovely Christmas celebration!

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  34. I can empathize. I'm not good with funerals, either. I didn't attend funerals of several of my grandparents. I was close to them during their lives. I did attend my favorite grandmother's funeral and was given the task of choosing her casket. Maybe that's why I was a no show at the following funerals. Our good friend and former minister always reminded me that my own funeral was not my worry because it's for those who need to grieve in their own way. That bit of information was given to me after I said that I don't want anything formal. I want to be in a pine box, and be fertilizer for all the daylilies planted on top of me. How wrong is that? I think people understand that there are those of us who grieve and hurt inside without being there. I want to remember people the way they were and how much they meant to me in life. How blessed we are when we have known someone who makes us feel that we are better for the opportunity of having them in our lives. WOW! I really got carried away.

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  35. I appreciate your honesty on the uncomfortable part of showing sympathy with others and with receiving it as well. It is so true that all words should be shared carefully and with prayer. I have sure appreciated the times that friends and family came to be with us at our parents memorial services. Even if they didn't say anything but just signed the book so we'd know they came, it was very touching for me.
    Oh ... I would love to hear you chat about Downton Abbey. I'll watch for that.

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  36. Oh, Vee, I hear what you and many of your followers are saying. I can't do funerals. I want the family and friends to know how much I care and that I am praying for everyone, but I just can't attend them. I have problems watching TV commercials and newscasts without ending up crying. I don't mean to compare those to a funeral, but only to try to explain the extreme over-sensitivity I seem to have to seemingly everything. I feel ridiculous as I gulp for breath in a setting where grief is appropriate, but my sobbing is just embarrassing for everyone. I could be thousands of miles from home and happen upon a funeral of a complete stranger and my reaction would be the same. I just feel that my time by myself is better for everyone concerned. I have never heard others talk about this, so I want you to know how much I have appreciated reading what others say.
    Can't wait for your Downton post, also!! I have to say that I think Sunday's episode what my favorite of all of them.

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    1. Ahhhh, I see that we share the same affliction. It is a profoundly embarrassing one. Thank you for putting it into words.

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  37. I have no words of comfort. But, I do appreciate the fact that you are brave enough to share your true thoughts, as a reader I find that very comforting to know. Hugs, Kathy

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  38. When I have a funeral to go to, I usually stay quiet. A simple hug is really all the comfort you can give. They don't really remember anyways. They are so surrounded by the shock of the loss, they are in a fog. I know. I have been there. Some people feel the need to send a sympathy card because it helps them do something.
    Downtown Abby was fabulous. But I don't want (I am a newer watcher so the name could be wrong) Tom, Sybil's husband, to leave. Maybe I am weird, but I think Mary has a thing for him.

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  39. I am so sorry for the recent losses of people who are dear to you and your family. This is a timely topic, and it is brave of you to bring it up. I recently had someone say, "gee I wish there was a book that provides guidance of what to say or do." And I replied that there are many such books available and they can be obtained within a few electronic clicks, thanks to digital downloads. As we age, we are all need to be more well versed on how to lend constructive support.

    I happen to be very grateful for sympathy cards, and I was astounded to get as many as I did. It provides a measure of reassurance and comfort. Regarding the questions of what to say and to do, I think it is best to provide real and meaningful support. The words I dread the most out of anybody's mouth is "let me know if there is anything that you need." It is uttered by someone who is totally disengaged in your life and has no intention of keeping tabs with you on a regular basis. It is uttered by someone who doesn't mean it and is simply blowing you off so that they feel better. It is much better to inquire about what tasks need to be completed during the next week or two, and then specifically assigning that task to take on (and done promptly). Words of comfort are best to be kept simple. "He's in a better place now" and "we all have to die sometime" are not helpful. Just avoid that kind of commentary completely. And lend an ear to the people who are grieving. I remain dismayed that people do not want to talk with me. Personal calls initiated by someone else are very, very rare. Avoidance is the norm. So I am abandoned by my husband and now my friends/family. No verbal communication is an indication that I am not worthy of the time and trouble for an old fashioned conversation. So all of my emotions remain bottled up inside, stewing, and adding to my level of despair. I relive nightmares and flashbacks of such awful times during the past year and a half, and they have to be bottled up. Who wants to hear them? Nobody. So here is my advice about those who are left behind and grieving - lend them some old-fashioned time to listen and include them in your life. Very little needs to be said. Listening means everything.

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  40. I'm not good at comforting so I just hug and cry along with them. When I feel grief, or even sad, I seek out humor. So many find that disconcerting (probably to say the least). That's my self-defense mechanism. Quite frankly, I'm not usually offended by what others do or don't do, or say or don't say and I've dealt with an extraordinary amount of loss starting with my mother when I was 10. Maybe I should be. I like cards, or a phone call, or just a howdy. Whatever someone is led to do or say. I try to leave everything else up to God.

    Downton Abbey was fabulous! Love the ending. I do hope the writer will now leave the Bateses alone. I would like to see Anna get PG and enjoy a happy life, if that's possible on a soap opera. *giggle* All I know is I'm anxious for the next Season. It's gonna be a looooong summer. ~:)

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  41. I honestly believe that how you expressed yourself is so endearing and helps me to understand. My mother, now almost 84, cannot face death of anyone much less her own. She refuses to discuss it, didn't attend her own mother's funeral and had to be carried out of her brother's funeral. We each are so different and unique and I don't think it makes one wrong and the other right. Know what I mean?

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  42. I don't think anyone thinks they know the right thing to say, and sometimes words aren't needed at all, it's more being there as a friend and listening.

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  43. The last episode of Downton was good, too bad we have to wait a year to continue.
    I'm not good at funerals either and start to sniffle as soon as I enter the chapel. I always thought it would get easier to accept death as we aged but it doesn't, for me anyway. I don't mind the cards, they bring comfort when alone and I've kept the ones from when my parents passed away. I know, why am I keeping them?

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  44. I'm sorry for your losses and that you were able to be with the grands, Vee. I hope I'm good at comforting those who have lost loved ones. Personally, I dont like the idea of saying to someone that they can call you if needed. People don't generally do that. I think you have to call them and bring them food, without them having to ask.
    As for Downton Abbey, I thought it was the best episode ever. I cried with all the happy endings!

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  45. I am very sorry that you've lost loved ones my friend. I agree with you and have the same problem. I have suffered loss and I don't know if words ever really help. I don't remember what anyone said at the time......so I am so afraid of saying the wrong thing. I want to say I understand but some people won't accept that. Everyone has their own path to take and no one travels the same one. I can't wait for your Downton post. I read Susan's this morning...oh joy! Sweet hugs, Diane

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  46. I, too, have trouble getting smacked in the face with death ... it's just such an abrupt experience. There's no bargaining with circumstances or making things better. it's there ... in your face ... deal with it. And I don't deal with it well. I get angry and then reflective. As for comforting words, I am a person that has to verbalize to process experience, so words of comfort generate conversation and memories and ultimately, healing. I'd rather have the conversation than a sympathy card sitting on the table.

    So sorry, Vee that you're having to deal with double loss ... I hope your family gathers close and talks it through. Virtual hug ...

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  47. So so sorry for your loss. I can relate to a lot of this. I seem to be better staying home and interceding. Then there are times I went against my comfort zone and realize just being there was a comfort to those who needed it. Yes, following the Holy Spirits lead...He is the comforter.
    Blessings

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  48. First of all, I am truly sorry for your loss...

    I can totally relate with you, dear Vee. I have such a hard time and I never ever know what to say! Even visiting sick family and friends I am often at a loss for words. I am thankful for my husband because he always seems to have the right words - while he is ministering with words I am the one ministering with hugs and prayers.

    Hugs to you!

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  49. I am very sorry for your loss. I have learned over the years that sometimes just being there is comfort enough, that words don't always have to be spoken.

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  50. " There is no right nor wrong comment to make because what one finds helpful to hear, another is horrified by. " I think you hit the nail on the head with this statement, Vee. This is so true and one of the reasons I think it is so difficult and uncomfortable to know what to say. I think I tend to keep what I say to a minimum as I'd rather say little than say the wrong thing.
    I am sorry for your losses, Vee.

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  51. I feel the same way and have seen my share of funerals and memorial services to last a lifetime. We just completed our Living Trust and the lawyer was surprised to see I've stipulated, after cremation, NO memorial service and NO obituary notice. He said, "don't you think people will want to mourn?" I said, "I don't give a flying fig since I'll be dead!" Warm hugs, dear friend, XOXO

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  52. Sorry to hear of these losses. I also am one who would rather just not say much, for fear of saying the wrong thing. And my hubby is such a caring, hugging person who nearly always says the right thing in a situation like this. So we balance one another out. I am much more comfortable doing hands-on things like helping to prepare a lunch at church for a grieving family after a funeral, or putting together a photo display. I tend to be able to express love and sympathy much better in ways like that. When my brother died and his home was full of visiting family and friends, I made a variety of muffins and took them over along with a bag of coffee. Things like that are appreciated and can show your heart. Your looking after the grands was one of the most helpful things you could do.

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  53. Hi Vee - So sad to hear you and yours have lost loved ones this cold dreary blustery winter. Somehow I have some built in mechanism that shows heartfelt sympathy to people that have lost others. It's been a great help to others and has given me a warm fuzzy feeling after such events. Not everyone has it. We're all different. What you do by watching the children is just as important as putting your arm around someone and saying the right things. We all need to do what we do best as good as we possibly can. And I know you did.

    I loved this season of Downton Abby! What a great show. I love the Downtonisms that come out of the show and I think that Lady Violet is my fav. Stay warm and keep thinking spring. Thanks for popping by to say hi! Blessings, Edie Marie

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  54. I'm sorry for your losses Vee. I understand what you talked about. I'm sure your care and love was received well.
    Downton Abby. Loved it!

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  55. I am sorry for the losses in your life recently. I know what you mean about feeling awkward in expressing sympathy. I too pray and want to give comforting words to those who so desperately need to hear them. My dad was great at just sitting with friends when they were grieving. I don't know that he said anything, but he was a shoulder to cry on. Some people have a gift that way. The rest of us pray and seek God's guidance and struggle. Blessings on you, friend.

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  56. I'm very sorry for your loss, I hope your happy memories heal you and your loved ones hearts over time. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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