A Haven for Vee

Monday, June 29, 2009


Recently, my blog was described as "nuanced." Nuanced? Really? Is that a good thing? I do know this...it's an eclectic nightmare, a regular mess, a hodge-podge for certain. I do believe I hear Forrest Gump now...


So I've got a few things to share and you really don't know what's gonna turn up. Feel free to hang on to the end or drop off whenever you get bored, 'kay? I promise not to be offended.

First up...have you seen the beautiful, exquisite, omigosh-I-have-never-seen- anything-quite-like-it photography at Down Abbie's Road? You must do yourself a favor and scamper on over there. It'll lift your spirits and make you smile. I promise. (And I don't even like peas.)

Nil Desperandum is one of my favorite expressions. It means never despair! I know that I've spoken of it before, but then it's because I think of it often. I'm thinking of it more often lately. Anyway, one of Brenda's favorite expressions is "Carpe Diem." Sieze the day. And she's written most eloquently about it *here*. You'll be blessed. Oh, yes, you will.

It's been raining here. And raining. And more rain. Drip, drip, pour, pour, flood- the-basement raining. This means that I must follow quiet pursuits and what's better than a cozy corner of the sofa to snuggle up and read an afternoon away? You see some of my reading stack above. Yes, I am reading all of them. Noooo, hahahahah, I have not yet learned how to read them all simultaneously. Silly people!

Do you see my darling Sandi's book The Crazy Cat Lady? It's so much fun to see it in print and to reread all of those favorite posts from Holding Patterns that I love. I have laughed all over again at cats streaking from the forest, Mac's embarrasment over teaching her semi-semaphore, and, oh my heck, what a riot about Evil Sister's antics. Say, and did I tell you that when I turned this book over and looked at the back cover I squealed? Squeeeeaaaaled just like this...eeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhoooooooo...wanna know why? Well, I'm not telling. Go ahead, call me mean.

A few days ago, Sandi posted this picture on her blog. It's from one of her book signings. I hate to gush so, but that's a book signing. This picture has a little something extra added — don't be creeped out — that shadow represents a pat on the back. Sandi, I'm so proud of you!

See that turquoise colored book back aways? That's one of my new favorites. We found it tossed on the heap of free books at the flea market two weeks ago. Talk about a God breeze. Thank you, Lord! It's titled You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought. I'm going to share just one thing that I have found to be a blessing. (There are many, but this post is getting long.)

I have a few truly disturbing memories. Ones that keep popping up when I least expect them. Sometimes they show up in dream form, but basically they are waking recollections of less-than-pleasant events. What do you do with them when they pop up from time to time? This book shares a technique that I have found very useful: watch the event happen on the screen of the mind just as you remember it. When the tape stops, take out a big black permanent marker and place a big black X over the memory. Then replay it as you'd like to have had it happen remembering that you're the star of the show and it's all about you and it can happen as you want.

I had nothing to lose so I tried it. And it really seemed to work for those painful childhood memories by removing the sting. But wouldn't you know that once you've learned something new, you'll have an opportunity to practice.

Within three days, I had received a nasty note from a family member. It made me want to cry. Instead, I reread it and then played it again on my memory screen. I put the big black X over the whole note and rewrote it in a loving way. Voila! It worked again. No stressing. No fretting. No reliving. I simply remembered doing it the "new" way.

Fine. Within just a few short days, I had yet another "event." My mother was being released from the hospital back to the Rehab Center. Her admitting nurse was checking her back in and going over things when she turned to me and said, "What's the matter with your face? You look so angry right now. Do you have a problem with me or with this facility? I mean it! Your face is saying a lot right now."

Well, I was taken aback as I wasn't aware that I was wearing an angry expression or giving off any vibes. I was, in fact, delighted to be moving my mother back to Rehab. I began to sputter that perhaps I was tired, but that I certainly wasn't angry. My mother piped up and said, "No, she's very happy to have me here."

Later I told John all about it and he suggested that I try my new trick. So I played that memory in my mind and when the tape ended I got out my permanent marker and slapped a big black mustache on that nurse's upper lip. Then I blacked out three of her teeth leaving nice gaping holes.

Okay, so I may need to practice a little more...

Create a wonderful week, my friends. Miss you all!

P.S. Have you read *THIS*? I know that I've already been political this week, but this seems like way too much Big Brother in Government for me and since it involves blogging and bloggers...


  1. Vee,
    Wrong choice of word???

    Have a Blessed week!

  2. Vee,

    It was good to find a post here this morning. I am happy your mother improved enough to be moved to rehab. Hang in there and have a wonderful day!

  3. Yes, that article was on the cover of our Living section a few weeks back. When you accept money for endorsements and advertising you're not just blogging anymore.

    Interesting technique! I'm going to have to try that!

    Now I want to see "my" shelf!


  4. I can just picture that nurse...very funny.

    I guess we have to do whatever we can to make it through sometimes.

    The book looks like it would be a worthwhile read.

    I hope you don't change a thing about your blog...A happy mix of the things that you care about...that is what I find here.

    Much better, in my book, than a streamlined rehashing of one subject day after day...just saying.

    Becky K.

  5. I may need to try the X trick now and then .. .and the blacked out teeth will be part of the regime ...just how I read the instructions here.

  6. I have a big event in my life to X out... thank you for the tip. I will be trying it!

    Going out to check out some more blogs of your recommendation!

  7. I have quite a few things I could X out of my childhood!!
    I love having lots of reading material to read and seeing it all laid out before me. Though I do start several things at once! :-)

  8. I did read it all and think I may have learned something about dealing with bad memories and events. Thanks for sharing. Can I have some chocolate now? heehee!

  9. Hello Vee,
    Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you! Have a blessed week!

  10. I'm so glad that your mother is improving! Cute post Vee! Great little tip too.

  11. I quite like the idea of x-ing out the odd event! I had a good laugh over your 'x-d out' nurse...I can see her clearly.

    Glad to hear your mom is improving!

  12. I'm ashamed to say I have yet to order a copy of Aunt Sandi's book! I'm certain she'd give me one if I asked, but that's why I won't ask. If she gave ME one, then she'd have to give one to all the other cousins as well. lol So I'm going to get myself over to her blog and get one ordered (I WILL ask her to sign it, though. Why not, eh?)lol.

    Appreciated your prior political post, although it causes my guts to tighten up everytime I think of anything out of Washington these days. I need to try your new technique to deal with those feelings. LOL

    Take care and I hope all your family is doing well!


  13. Glad your Mom is better. I remember learning that technique when I did my psych rotation in Nursing. It is good to be reminded though. I love your blog. As you describe it, that is how I see my own. After all it is for us and once we are lead by what we think others want, it is no longer ours. I am going to look that book up. Blessings

  14. I'm going to have to work a lot on the x-ing - my MIL lives 2 houses down the street:)

    So glad that your Mum is improving. How is your Gram?

    Sending you hugs and an extra black marker!


  15. Oh dear. Seeing that new Country Living reminds me I need to re-new my subscription. No wonder my mailbox is empty! I thoroughly enjoy every post you write, Vee. Like a box of chocolates, you never know what you will find. Sometimes something to chew on and sometimes a bit nutty (smile). There's a reason you have so many readers. You are genuine and I really like that! Thank you for the inspiration about x-ing out the negative. I need a reminder now and then! ~Kathy

  16. Good afternoon Vee, I'm so glad to hear your mother is doing better. I'm very angry over the way you were treated by that nurse. I hope you will report her. She had no right to say the things she did. People like that don't belong in nursing. It's so sad the way the medical profession has went down hill.
    Wow! I didn't know blogging was such a lucrative business. I have been asked several times to advertize on my blog but I prefer to keep it as a personal blog.

  17. Hi Vee,
    It is soooooo great to see you posting again, even though I have been slow about reading. You see I have been under the weather and finally went to see the doc, and am feeling so much better, nothing serious.
    I so enjoyed this post , I think I might try this next time especially when I get a grumpy receptionist on the phone as I did the other day while trying to get an appointment and getting no sympathy at all from her. I might even put that mustache on her. LOL I am so glad that your mother is back in rehab and continuing to improve. I will continue to pray for your family.

    I read your political post and am proud to call you my friend!
    my prayer is that on this 4th our politicians and those who put them in office would take the time and reflect on what it has taken for us to become so great, and what they are doing to unravel it.

  18. Hello! Thanks for visiting my blog! Your work is very beautiful and interesting!

  19. HI Vee! You are right, those peas look great in her beautiful photos.

    Glad to hear that you mother is doing good. Don't you just roll your eyes when people try to make something out of nothing? "Whaaaaat-everrrrrrr" is all I can say - using my best California 'valley girl' voice and *insert eye roll here.*

    What is our world coming to? Can I move the clock backwards to Reagan's days? Between Big Brother and California's Budget Crisis, Global Warming initiatives and now blogging constrictions....makes me want to scream. All I can say is 'socialism'......and with a fat frown and grimace.


  20. Hi Vee

    I like that X technique and should be using it for a few things going on in my life right now :-(

    I'm glad that your Mom was able to go back to rehab. I love the photography on Down Abbie's Road and congratulations to Sandi on publishing a book! It looks so cute.

    I was also please to see the great state of Maine portrayed in Country Living's back page this month! :-) I've been reading a lot of books so far this summer --nothing better than a good book to enjoy.

    I read the article about advertising on blogs (thanks for the link) and I hate to tell you but I think some regulation may be needed. I really dislike bloggers who rave about products without disclosing that they are being PAID or given free products to do it! Plus, are these people making X amount of dollars paying taxes on this income like everyone else has to? If they are using their blog as a business they should!

    Hugs, Pat

  21. Although, I'm not 100% sure, Pat, about those "really big" bloggers who earn a living blogging and whether they report honestly, I feel that they most likely do. The majority of bloggers make about a buck eighty-nine to advertise on their blogs. For me, it's initiative killing, which is where our government has been for far too long. Yes, people should pay their taxes, but this country's taxes are much too high, in my opinion, of course. It's a case of taxing the golden goose until the goose is dead. Maybe I'm overreacting because I have actually advertised for a fledgling business and was happy to do so. Yes, I received a product. No, I have no intention of trying to report it because it was a gift. Next thing, they'll be taxing our Christmas presents and word of mouth recommendations. Where will it end?

    Oh, I've never been steered wrong by any recommendation that a blogger has made...except for a few bogus recipes, one of which I'm struggling with right now...hahahahahaha...

  22. Hi Vee! Awwaaaa... thank you for the kind words about my blog. :) It made my day! You, on the other hand can WRITE my dear! I am lacking in that department.. the weather has been ridiculous and I am about to buy a UV light so that I can smile again.. Hope all is well!

  23. Thanks, Vee, for your kind words regarding our Misty. I tried years ago calling him 'Mr. Misty' but the kids said that it sounded 'weird'. Oh well. We had a gorgeous day here yesterday and I sat out for a couple of hours to soak in some of the sun's rays - they seem so be so scarce this year - and today has been nothing but thunderstorms and pouring rain.
    You take care and have a blessed day!

  24. Not been around to read your blog for a while (Dad with Cancer), but really enjoyed reading it today. Thank you for sharing a part of your life.

  25. Good to catch up on your this and that....your so funny Vee!

    Happy Wednesday...stay blessed you two!

  26. Well..... I never sending you a nasty note.... You have been through so much ...... bless your heart..... I pray for your peace and welfare of those you love...

  27. I am going to remember your little trick with the X as I think it could come in handy in the future. Very funny about the nurse.

    Thank you for your recent visits, kind comments and prayers for my family. I truly appreciate it. I am keeping your Mom and Grandmother in my prayers and hope that each day is finding them feeling better.

  28. Hi Vee - thanks for coming by. Good to see you posting again. I always enjoy your posts and comments so much. It's great to hear that your mom is improving.

    I need me a big fat black marker myself to X out some events and people in my life. Great analogy and I really got a hoot out of that.

    I appreciate always your encouragement about the goings-on in my life. It means alot to me. We feel good about the decision we've made for my MIL. We know it's going to be hard for awhile, but the nice staff and director told us it usually takes about 4 weeks for them to settle in and settle down and start liking their new surroundings. I pray that God will help her to make a smooth transition.

    Hugs - Vickie

  29. glad your Mother has improved.

  30. Snort!! You gave me such a laugh when you described blacking out that nurse's teeth! She sounds like a real pill!

    I am heading on my trip to Maine, soon, and will definitely be putting the advice you and your niece sent my way. I am so excited!!!

    So glad to hear your mum is doing better. Take care Vee, and I am glad you are (sort of) back on the blogging wagon!


  31. Oh Vee,
    I don't know where to begin first, what a gorgeous post with lots of gifts of inspiration and some thought provoking ideas.

    I love your idea of the tape over those distressing kind of thought patterns. Hurts can be so painful and they seem to get even deeper over time. So, I think your idea is a perfect remedy to keeping a pure heart. After all, most of those things that hurt us are because the people doing the hurting don't even know what they are doing.

    Oooh, I stopped by to that friend with the incredible photography. You are right, her blog is a photographer's dream.

    Well, I am off to visit a few more of the links.

    You know Vee, of course you had a look of concern on your face as you were moving your mom. Sounds like that nurse was one of those "What about Me" people. If she had been a true care-giver she would have been compassionate.

    Have a good weekend. I am glad that you mom is out of there too.


  32. Hi Vee, I have two WORDS for your blog...great and delightful! :) Hope you have a wonderful 4th!

    Oh, and I love your banner picture! Beautiful! ~hugs, Rhonda

  33. Vee,
    I hope you and your family have a blessed, happy, and safe 4th of July!

  34. Hope you have a great 4th of July weekend :)

  35. Am getting out my mental Sharpie now. Love your blog...C

  36. Hi Again!

    Just wanted you to know I prayed for you and your sweet family today. I hope your Mother and Grandmother are improving.

    Hope you are enjoying this Fourth of July.

    Becky K.

  37. Vee,
    I hope your 4th was a wonderful one. It is nearing midnight and our last guest just left. I wanted to drop by and wish you a wonderful holiday. Thank you for the wonderful blessing, one of my favorites.

  38. Vee, my dear friend, Thank you very much for all the wonderful comments you left on "Margie's Crafts", glad you like the photos and the music.I adore getting comments like yours. What fun to have another family member getting married. Your technique for removing painful and hurtful memories sounds perfect, I will use it myself. I think your blog is fabulous. Thank you for all your great posts. I hope you had a wonderful 4th of July. Big hugs, Margie.

  39. Hi Vee!

    Love this post! Your new book is great! I'm gonna try your new method. I like the mustache & blacked out teeth, personally! It may even be more powerful than the big black X. Truly!

    Your are the greatest Vee!! I love how your mind works!

    Hope your 4th was grand.
    Big hugs, Sherry