A Haven for Vee

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


That's what's going on around here these days — a whole lot of scrambling.

My grandmother's time as a "skilled" resident of the nursing home has come to an end. She is growing progressively weaker, which is what it is, but she needs permanent care in a facility. Her current home has no room for long-term residents so she is being released this week. I was taken by surprise by this release date as I had been told that if she grew worse she would be able to stay. Though she's grown much worse, last week I was told to find a home or to bring her home. If I don't find a home for her, they can legally remove her to one of their choosing. Sadly, this would probably be the only home in the area with room. It's a pit earning only two stars on their July 2010 inspection.

So we have been out visiting homes. What a sad and story state of affairs in nursing homes. Some are squalid hell holes like the one we visited yesterday where they lacked for everything except nursing staff. Trouble was they were all at the nursing station having a kaffeeklatsch the entire time we were there. I watched them like a hawk to see if they answered any of the bells that were ringing. No. They did not.

Since we are now in the sad position of placing Nan 50 miles away from home, we are zeroing in on homes with five-star ratings — the very highest. We must have peace of mind in knowing that she will be well cared for since we are not going to be able to visit nearly as often as we have been. It will not be financially possible nor physically possible.

So I'm requesting prayer. I truly feel as if I could have a meltdown and I'm concerned for my mother, too. Thanks so much!


  1. What a heart wrenching time this is for you. What a heavy burden you are carrying, my thoughts are with you at this time and always! You will find the perfect spot for Nan, I know you will!

  2. You will be in my prayers, too.

    I am so glad you are ensuring that your grandmother will be in a properly run nursing home. I can only imagine the horrible conditions/environment the residents are enduring in the homes you visited where you saw the nurses standing around. Nursing homes should NEVER have an odor. The only reason for that is laziness on the part of the staff which in turn tells you that a number of the residents, most likely, have horrible bed sores. I am so thankful that your family cares and looks for a quality facility for your grandmother. They love and care for us in our youth and we all should honor their aged years as you are with Nan.

  3. I'm so sorry for this - when my mother was in one, my sister did everything, including "drop-in-surprise" visits..and still, it was lacking. I seriously do not understand why this is not more regulated. It should unheard of at this time in our history for anyone to have to be in a situation like you and you sweet Nan to be in. Of course you have my prayers..hugs my friend..

  4. I'm so sorry for this - when my mother was in one, my sister did everything, including "drop-in-surprise" visits..and still, it was lacking. I seriously do not understand why this is not more regulated. It should unheard of at this time in our history for anyone to have to be in a situation like you and you sweet Nan to be in. Of course you have my prayers..hugs my friend..

  5. I was so fortunate to not have to make that decision of placing my grandparents or parents in nursing homes. It's hard enough to see them getting older and weaker and then to have to make the decisions you are having to make now is very stressful. Praying for you.

  6. Oh Vee,

    I am so sorry to hear this news and my heart breaks for you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. He has a place for Nana and I trust that you will find it. Holding you in my heart today.

  7. Your stress never stops... My heart goes out to all of you. You, your Mother, Nan, John...

    Gentle hugs...

  8. Sending prayers for you and your family Vee.


  9. Keeping you in prayer Vee, I know this road, we had 2 hospitalizations and 3 homes for my mother in 2 years before she was settled. Praying your road is much smoother...

  10. OH Vee. . .such a lot to consider and so much on your shoulders. .I'll be praying for you.

  11. Oh Vee- I can empathize so much. We were looking for a Alzheimer lock down unit for my mother in 2006 but she fell in the hospital and did not survive. My brother & I were both shocked but felt so quilty because we were relieved we did not have to put her in one. She would have hated it and us. You're all in my prayers.

  12. Oh sweet friend,

    I pray for a miracle that makes this transition smooth or unnecessary. Perhaps a room will open up unexpectedly at her current abode.

    Either way...praying God's peace for you and your precious family.

    Becky K.

  13. I'll pray, Vee. What a difficult road this is for you all. May God give you wisdom and open doors as you weigh all the options. Blessings!

  14. oh vee! i'm so sorry about this heart
    breaking dilemma.

    i will ask the Lord to provide the place
    most suited for nan and for people to
    love her when you can't be with her.

    mostly, though, i will be praying for
    His peace and undergirding for you and
    your mom.

    "under His wings you (and nan) will find
    refuge." psalm 91:4

  15. Oh, Vee I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. You can count on me for prayers for all of you.
    Reading this post took me right back to the day I received the call from the nursing home wondering where I would be sending my mother next. None of the choices appealed to me and I felt almost sick with guilt.
    It isn't an easy road you are travelling and my heart goes out to you.

  16. So sorry to hear about Nan. That's sad but I suppose if we live long enough, it comes to all of us.

    I'll be praying that you can find a wonderful place where she will be cared for. I'm sure something will turn up.


  17. I'm lifting you guys up, Vee. Have been ever since we talked. Talked to Him this morning, too. Will do again. I feel for you. Vickie

  18. Praying for you and your family!


  19. I'm so glad you are sharing your journey. Too many families get put into this sad chapter: rushing around trying to find a good placement at the last minute. Sadly often there is a waiting list to get in, and the family member winds ups somewhere where they would never want to be.

    I am so glad that Hospice now allows home care without having to be eye to eye with end of life. I don't know what your area situation is like, but thank God our elderly parents will not have to be rushed into something that would not be appropriate.

    God help you and bless you as you seek solutions at this time.

  20. I am praying, Vee. I went through this looking for somewhere for my Dad and it was a nightmare. But I did find the perfect place in the end, thank heavens, and he was happy.

  21. Of course you are all in my prayers too. This must be so hard for you all.
    It is really a shame that some of these homes are so poorly run. I'm sure that you will find the best place for Nan where she will be well cared for.

  22. praying for you and the family, Vee...

  23. You are in my prayers. This must be so very difficult.

  24. Quality is important Vee. I will be praying for you that you find the right place for Nan where she will be cared for with dignity.

    Hugs and Prayers for you!

  25. Vee, I am so sorry to hear this. I've been wondering about your Nan and continuing to keep her and your family in prayer.
    I will continue to do so. Thank you for the update.

  26. Dear sweet Vee, I will keep you in my prayers dear friend...that you will find a wonderful place for Nan to live ~ a place that will truly give you peace of mind and care for her the way she deserves to be. Sending you big hugs and love Vee ~

  27. Praying for you, Vee. It's such a difficult decision to make - praying for God's clear guidance and for peace for all of you.


  28. Yes, it is a very difficult decision in choosing a nursing home. I used to work in a pharmacy that provided medications to nursing homes and spent many hours sitting behind the desk doing paperwork in different nursing homes for the pharmacy. Some you could hardly breathe for the smell, some were clean & bright with a staff the same. Continue to do what you are doing with visiting them and watching not only the staff but the residents...you can tell a lot by just observation! I'll be praying for you in this difficult time.


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